stubburn parents

I have lost my five lovely grandchildren because of two stubburn parents.

I am blaming myself for everything that happened to my grandchildren. Let me clear the air. Maybe I am part to be blamed for all these.

I love my children so much that I tend to be very over protective. I shield them with my wings and would never allow anything to hurt them. Even when they were young I used to fight with the father whenever he wanted to decipline them.

I would defend them at all costs and would never allow the father to even utter any unkind words to them what more to hit them(not that he wanted to hit them,they were wonderful children).

I could never blame my children for their wrongdoings. They are the greatest love of my life and I always consider that I and only me can decipline them.This sometimes irritates my husband who loves his children as much as I do.

Now I am facing a very acute problem. I love my five grandchildren more than my life, especially my eldest daughter's children cos I have been staying and looking after this five grandchildren all their life.I want to protect them with all my heart. So when the father took them away when the parents were divorced I cried and cried and life is not the same anymore.

I hated the husband's drinking problem because I was so scared whenever he came back in the wee hours of the morning drunk and shouting and waking up the children.

I do not really know the cause of his drinking problem. My daughter wanted him to quit drinking but he refused. It was his ego and my daughter refused to accept his drinking habit which I was told is not such a big deal to his family. To them drinking is a pleasure and they never make a big fuss ot it. But to us drinking is totally unacceptable and intolerable. We were brought up that way.

To them drinking can solve problems. He started drinking when his mother died. He felt he is being cheated by the sister. He should be getting a bigger share of his the mother's estates because he being the son. He is entitled more than the girls. He was very unhappy after that and started drinking. He kept drinking to solve his problem. He went drinking when his two cows died.He drinks when he cannot get sex from his wife. He drinks when he is depressed.

My daughter tried to stop him from drinking, but the more she tried the worse he gets. It was his EGO and my daughters EGO. Both of them want to have the last say.

Finally she filed for divorce and he moved out of the house bringing all their five children with him.

I have always devoted myself to the children and took good care of them since I am staying next door with them. Now I have lost them all.

The children became the victim of the parental ego. They do not have a propper place to go whenever their father got drunk. He would not allow to children to come back to the house. Their is a tug-of-war going on and the childlren is entanggled-in-between. It breaks my heart to see the children. They are so unsettled and confused.

They are neither here not there. The love me too. I wished they would settled their differences by getting back together again for the sake of the children. I am just hoping and praying that he willl come back to the house and she will accept him again just for the children. I HOPE THEY WILL REMARRY AGAIN AND THE CHILDREN WILL HAVE ALL OF US AGAIN.

God will grant your wish if you prayed really hard.

My eldest daughter seem not to trust God anymore, because she is so frustrated with her ex-husband who never seem to change despite her prayers asking Allah to change him. She had gone on a pilgrimage to Mecca and prayed in Masjidil Haram to ask Him to help change her husband's drinking habit. She prayed and prayed but her prayers seems to have gone unnoticed.

She wanted him to stop drinking so much because she cannot tolerate it anymore. It has taken a toll on her and her children. He would only stop for a month or a week and then he would be back on his drinking trail again when he cannot get his way.

When he is drunk he tortured everybody including his own children. Sometimes bringing and forcing them to watch him drink at his drinking outlet, one of which is the "goldenn city" in town, for hours. Sometimes he drank at any roadside stalls in Kampung Cina and made the children (including his second daughter Yana who is already a teenager) to sit and watch him drink.


I understand how you feel, my dearest daughter, but God listens to you if you keep on believing in Him. It is written in the Holy Qur'an.

So keep on praying to Him and seek His forgiveness. Maybe God has some other blessings for you. Remember Allah loves us all and He will never let us down if you trust Him fully.

Please, my dearest daughter, I know God only listens to you when you pray really hard. God listened to me when I prayed for him to release me of my problem when Ba took a second wife.
I prayed to God to release me of my pain of having to share him with another woman.

I prayed really hard for ten years. I cried and cried and begged Him to release me of the pain. Yes, He indeed answered my prayers, He took Ba away as a solution to my problem. I cannot think of a better solution than that.

As a precaution though, be careful how you prayed and what you asked for. Do not ask for something that will eventually make you loose something more valuable than what you really want.

We do not know what God has in store for you, my dear daughter. We love your children so dearly and God knows that, so let us pray for Allah's blessings for their wellness, happiness, strength and success in life here and thereafter. Most important of all is, let them be protected and guided by Allah to the right path always.

A brute is trying to break into my house and terrorising us

Two nights ago we were rudely awakened by a thunderous bang on my bedroom door. I thought an earthquate had struck Kota Bharu. The whole house shake because of heavy kick from a drunkard man, who was once married to my daughter. He is my son-in-law no more.

They have been divorced almost a year ago through a court order, and I hope he will never be my son-in-law ever again until the day I die. If he wanted to remarry my daughter, he had to do it over my dead body. I hate him so much for what he did to my daughter and my grand-children that I hated him from the bottom of my heart. My daughter had 5 children by him before she called it a day because she cannot tolerate him no more.

He spent all his money on booze and hardly give any to my daughter, who is a lawyer by profession and he is nothing but a brute and behave like a gangster.He is only a human being when he is sober but turns into an "Iblis" when he is drunk and he boozes every day and nights.So he is most of the time an "Iblis". He boozes all night long and sleep or watch TV all day long.

He shouts at his children but never lay his hand on them and accuses my daughter of adultery and all sorts of bad things. He tells people that my daughter is "an Iblis bertopingkan manusia", which actually aptly fits him like a skin on his body. He is really "the Iblis bertopingkan manusia" meaning the devil masquerading a human being" which he is.

Last night again (sunday 18th of May, 2008) he came banging the door in the middle of the night(drunk of course) and tried to come into my house. He kept on banging and kicking the solid door and shouting for my daughter to open it.

When he realised that the door was too strong for him,he asked the maid to take a parang to break my solid door made from hard wood called "Seraya Kitang" which is almost equivalent to "Kayu cengal". He keeps on banging and kicking the door like a mad man and shouting, but luckily only the door knobs gave way.

The reason being, he wanted my daughter back,so bad that he had been spending money paying the bomohs so that my daughter wants him back. But my daughter has had enough of him and do not want him anymore.

In fact my daughter once told me that when she sees him , he reminded her of a babi(pork chop), not like a man anymore, which is definitely haram to touch. So how can she remarry him. But he cannot accept that facts and keep on insisting that he still wants her and wanted to have another child with her.It is only is EGO really.

Being a "raja" he cannot accepts rejections. He only wanted to torture her and use the children to get his way. He knew that we all loved the children and the children loved us and this facts too make him feel "small". Obviously he cannot take it and wanted revenge. He think by torturing us he will get his way and my daughter will give in and take him back.

I was really very scared and was trembling and shaking like never before. I was shaking from head to toe. I was sure if he was able to break the door I would smash his head.

Me and my daughter was sitting in front of the door, waiting for him and I was trembling and shaking and I felt so helpless and scared. I had never been so scared because we are being confronted by a frustrated and a drunk man.

Armed with a stick given to me by an orang Asli (I was it told had certain powers) I was ready to strike him, but my legs and my whole body was trembling and shaking, but I was determined to strike him. I will not let him come into our house and take away my grandchildren who are soundly asleep with us.

It was only about half an hour later, that he stopped banging and kicking, because he knew he cannot come to us, because the door just would not give way to him.So we were spared this time. I do not know what he will do next. This man is MAD. He once said he wanted to burn the house.

We are neighbours to a mad man. He thinks he is powerful because of his connections to the Sultan and Raja Perempuan of Kelantan. He being one of the younger brother of the Raja perempuan. He wanted to take away the children from us. He is been telling my daughter that if she refused him then we will never see the children again.

We loved the dear children too much and he knew that. They are our body and souls. If he takes away the children, my heart will burst. Miki especially means everything to me.

Now I have no choice but to keep the adjoining door locked for good.But this will mean my grandchildren will not be able to come over to my side of the house anymore. If they want to come, they have to go through the main door.

My daughter do not like the idea. She still insisted that I keep the middle(adjoining) door open for easy axcess especially for Miki,who likes to escape from his father in the middle of the night.

But my daughter just do not understand that she is not staying in that house anymore. Somebody who had just tried to smash my door and destroyed my property is staying there now.

In Kelantsn people treats the royal families, as though they are sacred. It is high time people change their attitude and treat them like ordinary people, because they are all ordinary people. Their stools are as dirty as ours and as smelly as any others. So what is so special about them. Trust me they are like us, in every way.

Stop treating them like some sacred gods.It is making them "big headed" and make them feel "special".That is how my ex-son-in-law thinks. He think he is the most powerful person in this earth and no one can go against his wishes because he is the "Raja".Well, even "Raja Brook" cannot keep his throne in Sarawak.


With this I wish Karpal Singh "best wishes" and may he win his case and put everyone on a level playing field. Malaysia will prosper if the people are willing to work hard, with or without the royalties.

Thinking of my mother on mother's day

Today is mothers day again. It is 11th May and I know all my children appreciates and loves me. They have all been showering me with gifts and well wishes every year and this year is no different. I even received a gift from my son who is away in the U.S. Thank you so much Nikai and Eli.

To my eldest daughter Lin, your gift is special. It is what I have always wanted. But you shouldn't have spent so much on it.

All my 6 children showed me their love in different ways and I felt so blessed. May Allah bless you all always and hope that all your children will do the same to you too.

But I do not have a mother anymore. She had left me twenty years ago (November 1988 at the age of 66), but I still cannot get over it. I still missed her so much. The more I thought about her the more I missed her. If only she is alive today she would be 86 years old.

I know if she is still here today, she would be quite old. But I wished she is still here - sharing things with me - forever laughing and smiling. She was such a wonderful woman and I have never heard raised her voice in her entire life - compared to me who shouts a lot.

Even at this very moment I wished I could tell her how much I missed her and wished she is here to share my happinesss and blessings. My mother was such a good listener. She was always there for me when I needed her.

My mother was such a perfect woman and there will be no other mother in the world who is better than her. I Love her so much.

"Semoga Allah mencucuri Rahmat keatas roh ibuku, Nik Som binti Nik Mustapha dan semoga Allah menempatkan dia bersama-sama orang yang beramal Soleh dan dikasehi Allah".

Quality of civil servants in Malaysia.

I was in Universiti Science Malaysia(USM) on the 27th of April 2008. I had accompanied Kuyana to get the result of her MRI test which she did two weeks ago.

It was a very dissappointing and tiring experience. Imagine we were there at 10.00 a.m for the 10.30 appointment. After leaving Kuyana at the registration counter,I had to drive round and round for almost 20 minutes looking for parking space before I could find one(which btw is also illegal).

I had no choice. I took the chance again. The last time I was there the authorities already locked my car tyres and I had to pay a RM10 fine before they released my car. They wanted to charge me RM30 but I told them I did not bring that much money to hospital and the only money I had was RM10. So there goes my RM10.

But it was not only the fine that irritate me but the whole system in USM me. There are just too many red tapes one had to go through before one can get to see the doktor himself.

We had to wait and wait for our turns despite the fact that the appointment was set for 10.30 a.m.

We had to wait for nearly 3 hours before finally being called in only to be told that the result of the MRI is not yet ready or is not in the file. Imagine the frustrations and definitely my blood pressure rises again.

But that is how things are in every government hospitals. The staff are not sensitive to human feelings. They fixed an appointment just to make a fool of you. The doctors who are supposed to see yo, had to make their rounds in the wards before they see the outpatient.

I think this is terrible systems. Why should the doctors who should be at the outpatient clinic not be at the clinic on time and why does the files not updated when appointment dates are set? I notice the administration staff were not that busy and took things very lightly when asked to explain.

It is the attitude of civil servants in Malaysia. They are just too spoilt a could'nt care less what the public thinks or felt. All they know is to be paid their salary at the end of the month and asking for more pay rise every year. But the quality of their work never improve year after year.

These civil servants are not relevant anymore.

dairi kehidupan

Pada 23 April lalu aku pergi jumpa doktor pakar di Hospital besar Kota Bharu. Sepatutunya selepas berjumpa doktor kesihatan aku bertambah baik. Tapi apa yang berlaku adalah sebaliknya. Sehingga kehari ini akuu masih lemah dan merasa sengal-sengal dan lengoh diseluruh tubuhku.

Mungkin akibat menunggu terlalu lama sebelum dapat bertemu doktor. Aku telah diberi berbagai ubat untuk menyihatkan diri ini. Doktor telah memberi aku 7 jenis ubat:-
1.Lavastatin 20mg - cholestral 4.4
2.Duspatalin 135mg - IBS
3.Amludipine 5mg- high blood pressure
4.Ca Lactate - asteroprosis
5.Fusamax Fumg - astroprosis
6.MVT T -general health

Melihat kepada ubat-ubat pun sudah cukup membuktikan bahawa keadaan kesihatan ku bukanlah baik sangat.

Tetapi dek terpaksa menunggu 3 jam itu menyebabkan penyakit darah tinggi ku melonjak naik hingga 149/93. Inilah keadaannya kalau pergi kehospital kerajaan. Tapi apa kan daya. Inilah sahaja tempat yang aku dapat ubat percuma dan berkualiti tinggi pulak tu.

Tapi sejak pergi jumpa doktor hari tu, sudah tiga hari tak berdaya keluar rumah kerana letih. Sepatutnya selepas pergi hospital lebih cergas dan sihat. Tapi aku tetap bersyukur kerana masih ada selera makan